From the archives... 01/11/13

Singer, speaker,  recording artist and comedienne, Kelita has been so kind to me through the years I have known her.  She has also given my name and recommended me to different people when she has been asked, but unable to minister due to another commitment.

I got a call one day from a lady who is very involved with promoting gospel artists.  She was having a ladies' day on a Saturday in October and booked me on Kelita’s recommendation.  She was looking for about 45 minutes of comedy.  I told her I would do my best. 

When I got off the phone, I remembered thinking, “Why in the world did I say I would do it?”  I have sat in the audience watching Kelita don her comedienne hat and be in stitches listening to her as she did her different characters.  I was no match for that!

How easy it is to compare yourself to someone else!  That’s what I did – for about six months before the gig!  Also there was a woman there who was a very charismatic, “have the audience in her lap” type of singer.  Boy oh boy did the insecurities well up in me! 

I shared my heart with my sister-in-law Mim, wondering where I was going to get this comedy routine?  Mim simply said “Share your testimony.  It’s funny!” 

I did a lot of crying out to God those six months. 

It was about a three hour drive from home.  We got to the venue about seven o’clock on the Friday night.  It was at a campground and the sun was just setting over the lake.  We were told to be there for seven so we didn’t doddle over the sunset, although I would have loved to just go and drink in the lovely sight.

We sat for about two hours waiting to do the sound check.  It was a lovely venue and they had booths around the perimeter of the large room where the ladies could shop in between sessions the next day. 

I did my sound check and then we were guided to a lovely home that backed onto the lake.  We visited with the young couple who were hosting and all the while, I was silently praying “Oh Lord, please help me!” 

I didn’t sleep well that night.  I woke often and was very restless.  At 6 AM I felt Mim brush my hand and told me it was time to get up.  At the same moment, words of a song came into my head.  “I cannot live without Your love oh Lord.  I cannot breathe without Your breath.  I cannot sing without Your song oh Lord, ringing deeply in my breast.”  Shadow of Your Face by Bob Fitts © 1996 Hosanna’s Integrity Music. My heart filled with praise and adoration to my Heavenly Father!  The worry and stress melted away!  He was reminding me that as long as I relied on Him, I would be okay! 

That is what I did.  After six months of stewing and worrying, I finally trusted Him who had called me to do this!  Duh!  I am so glad that He loves and cares for me despite my silly humanness! 

I shared my story and people laughed!  It was wonderful and I felt the presence and anointing of the Lord so strongly that day!  The lady who booked me came up after and said that what I had shared had touched her deeply!  That is our God!  He is so worthy of praise! 

Psalm 11:1.  In the Lord, put I, my trust!

Carol

From the archives... 01/06/2013

Back in the nineties, I attended a small charismatic Mennonite church.  I enjoyed the worship times very much.  Most of the songs were quite familiar modern worship tunes.  When they sang the old hymns, the small congregation would break out in the traditional four-part harmony. 

One song stood out.  It was a hymn from the Mennonite hymnbook called “Open The Wells (Of grace and salvation).”  I loved the melody and when they got to the chorus – oh my!  The words and that harmony gave me goose bumps!  I felt the power of the Holy Spirit in such a sweet way!

As soon as I would see the words come up on the overhead my heart would leap! 

Years later, I started a file that was labeled “New CD”.  I had my doubts that would happen but I had a young gal come in and make a filing system for me.  She knew I had recorded a CD years before.  She said “This is for your new project.”  I smiled and agreed to the file.  I must confess that in my heart I was thinking “Oh Lord, will that ever happen?”  Finances were pretty low and there were other things that I needed that I couldn’t afford.  It felt like a dream that would remain only a dream.  

Every once in a while I would think of that song “Open The Wells”.  I started to sing it once in a while at seniors’ events.  One time I was doing a Christmas program at a Mennonite church near Elmira Ontario, and in the middle of my concert I asked them if they knew the song.  Some raised their hands so I led in the chorus and again heard that wonderful harmony. 

Sometimes alone in my house, I would pull my guitar out and sing it.  I decided that if ever God would let me do another CD, that song would be on it.  It is a wonderful prayer song.  I had been given a copy of the sheet music so I slipped it into the “New CD” file. 

In the summer of 2012  I had sent my producer Rick, a collection of songs that I would like to do for the new CD project.  One of the songs was “Open The Wells”. 

On Sept. 18th a bit after 2 AM I was woken up by an email alert from my phone.  Oh I don’t know why I keep my cell phone so close to my bed. 

It was my producer and he had sent me an instrumental scratch of “Open The Wells”.  I listened to that sucker for two and a half hours.  I was getting a cold and my throat was sore but I sang along over and over and thought of how good God was in answering my prayer from years ago.  Minutes and lots of tears of gratitude went by.  I finally settled back down to sleep at 4:30 AM.

I guess I am saying all this because when God puts a dream or desire in our heart, He will fulfill it, no matter how impossible it may seem to be fulfilled.  God is God and He can do ANYTHING!  Jeremiah 32:27 says “I am the Lord, the God of all mankind.  Is anything to hard for Me?”  N.I.V.

Is there a dream from long ago that still is a small seed in your heart?  Trust God!  If He put that dream in your heart, He will accomplish it!  He is good and kind and He wants only His best for you!

Carol

From the archives... 09/18/10


She was probably in her mid fifties, although she looked older.  She patiently waited as I talked and prayed with other ladies.  The day before, I had taken the train to get to Kingston, Ontario for this speaking engagement.  It had gone very well and the women were so receptive.  It was early December so it was cold and wintry outside.

As the lady approached me, she seemed very weary, as if she was carrying a heavy weight on her shoulders.  I reached out and took her hands in mine and as she shared, her eyes brimmed with tears.

"My son is twenty-one" she said.  "He has a learning disability and doesn't have any friends.  No one wants to bother with him.  His birthday is today and when I get home, I will have a birthday cake for him.  It will be just him and me."  She told me how hard it was to see him so sad, to not belong.  

I will never forget that moment.  I saw her broken heart.  She asked me to pray for him and for strength for her.  I gave her a hug and held her as she sobbed.  I prayed as best as I could.  Then I cried with her.  I know God heard us that day.  I think He cried with us.

I have never been a mother.  I have never experienced the anguish a mother feels when her child is different and doesn't seem to belong anywhere.

My friend Michelle Sim has just written a book about her youngest son Paul, who has Autistic Spectrum Disorder.  I am halfway through it.  I have known some of the "stuff" this family has been through.  Reading about it is another thing.  When I read the part where the other kids set fire to Paul's school uniform pants and when they made him stand in a big water puddle and drove their bikes back and forth till he was soaking wet, I cried.  

Reading this book is stirring things up in me.  Not so much about my past, but an ache for moms whose hearts are broken.  

I would recommend her book.  It is called "My Son, My Gift (Living with Autistic Spectrum Disorder)"  It will give you a glimpse into the life of a caring mom, who has gone through hell and back, trying to help her son, trying to find a diagnosis of what is wrong, and the misunderstandings that go with it.  

There are a few words in the English vocabulary that I detest.  Words like worthless, retard, idiot, loser, to name a few.  I know first hand the damage that those words can do and it took me many years to come to the conclusion that I am none of the above. 
You see, when you are told something over and over, you start to believe it. 
My Heavenly Father thinks I am beautiful!  That is ALL that matters. 

To those mothers out there who are hurting who have gone and are going through the pain of knowing that their children are made fun of, and considered less than others, I feel to say to you that God has given you a precious gift.  He knew that your child would be teased and hurt but He knew that you would be there for them, and that His strength would see you through.  What the enemy has meant for evil God will turn around for good.  You watch and see!  May God enfold you in His mighty loving arms and give you peace - His enduring peace.

From the archives... 07/25/09

I sang at the funeral of a 51 year old woman yesterday.  I did not know her, but learned much about her in the hour-long service.

I always consider it an honour to be asked to sing at a funeral.  They are such very precious times and the fact that a family is grieving and hurting, would take the time to ask me to sing at their loved one’s service of remembrance, touches my heart. 

One of the songs I was asked to sing was called “Anyway” by Martina McBride.  I had never heard it before Thursday.  I had to do some fast learning but it was worth it.  What a wonderful song!  It talks about building, dreaming, loving and singing.  It says that even though we do these things, sometimes the outcome isn’t what we planned, but we need to do it anyway.  It says that God is great but sometimes life doesn’t work out the way we want it to.  Or when we pray sometimes we don’t get the answer we expected, but we need to do it anyway.   

I am at a stage in my life where I feel freer than I have ever felt before.  God has done so much healing in my life.  I can’t thank Him enough.  Oh I sure know He isn’t done yet.  But you know, I want to keep doing what He has called me to do.  I want to keep singing.  I want to share what healing He has done.  Whether it be in front of one person or in front of many. 

We need to keep singing.  We need to dance the dance of life in praise to Him. 

I pray whoever reads this will be encouraged.  God DOES have a good plan for your life.  He wants His VERY BEST for you.  Oh it may not be what you expected it to be, but His plans are the VERY BEST for you!  Lift your head up.  Laugh.  Dream.  Love.  Sing.

Carol

From the archives... 02/09/2009

It has been somewhat of a difficult year. I have had two family members who I love dearly, pass on into eternity. I have watched friends struggle with losing loved ones. I know of people who have been diagnosed with terminal illness. 

I have to say, I have cried a lot this year...by myself...with family members.
There have been many changes this year. 

One thing that has not changed is that God remains faithful. He does not change. Often when people go through difficult times, they ask "Where is God and why is He doing this?"
I find it interesting that when times are good, it seems that God is not mentioned. When things go bad, God is blamed. All I know is that He hurts with us. He cries with us. God does not cause bad things. 

I have found that God has been my comfort. When I have felt my heart breaking and it seems there is no one there, even though sometimes I cannot feel Him there, He is!

Even though it has been a difficult year, He is the reason I can have joy in my heart. When I look at the past year, even though many times were sad, I can smile because of the hope I have in Him. He said He would never leave me or forsake me. 

I BELIEVE THAT WITH ALL MY HEART!

Carol

From the archives... 01/31/2009


I just got finished watering my flowers outside. I must admit that I am not a gardener nor do I have a green thumb - but - I do love to see flowers and green bushes in their splendour.... My step dad Frank, loved gardening! He even was a gardener for someone, at some point in his life. He always kept our flower beds immaculate and beautiful. After his health started to fail and his eyesight got worse, he could no longer work with his beloved flowers. So, then I would try my hand at gardening - shudder! Sure didn't look like his work.

Last fall his sons gave him a butterfly bush. He was so excited about it and took extra time to tell me how to care for the little thing. It was a tiny little green thing when he got it. He had me cut the top off of a plastic vinegar bottle and cover it over to protect it for the winter, which I did.

In mid April, Frank became very ill. After a few weeks of severe pain, the doctors told us that he didn't have long.

At the end of April, I went out and took the plastic off the little butterfly bush. It was a lovely healthy green and had grown an inch or two. A few weeks later, Frank asked me to go out again and check on the bush. I went and to my horror, all I saw was a few twigs where the bush had been. I showed my niece and she said that probably an animal had chewed it up ~ I cried. I couldn’t bear to tell Frankie that the bush was gone.

As the time ticked away, Frank got weaker and weaker. Many times I thought of that butterfly bush. I had told his sons about it with tears in my eyes and they tried to console me by saying that maybe it will come up next year.

We were at Frank’s bedside when he went to be with the Lord on May 18th. Frank had been a special part of my life for 27 years. He wasn’t just a step father. He was a close friend! I miss him so much! I’m so thankful for God’s strong arms of comfort!

The week after he passed away, I decided to go and look at the place where the butterfly bush was. To my amazement, the butterfly bush was not only there, but about three inches higher than when I first took the plastic off. I got my sister to verify that it was indeed the bush and not a weed. She confirmed that is was! Praise God for resurrection!

I just looked at it tonight and it’s as tall as me! I even saw a little white butterfly flitting around! God is so good!

I have no idea who will read this. Maybe you just came across my website by some fluke. Maybe you may have heard me sing or speak somewhere. May I just say to you - whatever you may be going through, Jesus is there to help you. Maybe you have lost a loved one like I did. Or maybe there is sickness in your family or you are just plain hurting for some reason. THERE IS HOPE!

"God is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." ...Psalm 34:18

Be encouraged!

Carol