From the archives... 09/18/10


She was probably in her mid fifties, although she looked older.  She patiently waited as I talked and prayed with other ladies.  The day before, I had taken the train to get to Kingston, Ontario for this speaking engagement.  It had gone very well and the women were so receptive.  It was early December so it was cold and wintry outside.

As the lady approached me, she seemed very weary, as if she was carrying a heavy weight on her shoulders.  I reached out and took her hands in mine and as she shared, her eyes brimmed with tears.

"My son is twenty-one" she said.  "He has a learning disability and doesn't have any friends.  No one wants to bother with him.  His birthday is today and when I get home, I will have a birthday cake for him.  It will be just him and me."  She told me how hard it was to see him so sad, to not belong.  

I will never forget that moment.  I saw her broken heart.  She asked me to pray for him and for strength for her.  I gave her a hug and held her as she sobbed.  I prayed as best as I could.  Then I cried with her.  I know God heard us that day.  I think He cried with us.

I have never been a mother.  I have never experienced the anguish a mother feels when her child is different and doesn't seem to belong anywhere.

My friend Michelle Sim has just written a book about her youngest son Paul, who has Autistic Spectrum Disorder.  I am halfway through it.  I have known some of the "stuff" this family has been through.  Reading about it is another thing.  When I read the part where the other kids set fire to Paul's school uniform pants and when they made him stand in a big water puddle and drove their bikes back and forth till he was soaking wet, I cried.  

Reading this book is stirring things up in me.  Not so much about my past, but an ache for moms whose hearts are broken.  

I would recommend her book.  It is called "My Son, My Gift (Living with Autistic Spectrum Disorder)"  It will give you a glimpse into the life of a caring mom, who has gone through hell and back, trying to help her son, trying to find a diagnosis of what is wrong, and the misunderstandings that go with it.  

There are a few words in the English vocabulary that I detest.  Words like worthless, retard, idiot, loser, to name a few.  I know first hand the damage that those words can do and it took me many years to come to the conclusion that I am none of the above. 
You see, when you are told something over and over, you start to believe it. 
My Heavenly Father thinks I am beautiful!  That is ALL that matters. 

To those mothers out there who are hurting who have gone and are going through the pain of knowing that their children are made fun of, and considered less than others, I feel to say to you that God has given you a precious gift.  He knew that your child would be teased and hurt but He knew that you would be there for them, and that His strength would see you through.  What the enemy has meant for evil God will turn around for good.  You watch and see!  May God enfold you in His mighty loving arms and give you peace - His enduring peace.

From the archives... 02/09/2009

It has been somewhat of a difficult year. I have had two family members who I love dearly, pass on into eternity. I have watched friends struggle with losing loved ones. I know of people who have been diagnosed with terminal illness. 

I have to say, I have cried a lot this year...by myself...with family members.
There have been many changes this year. 

One thing that has not changed is that God remains faithful. He does not change. Often when people go through difficult times, they ask "Where is God and why is He doing this?"
I find it interesting that when times are good, it seems that God is not mentioned. When things go bad, God is blamed. All I know is that He hurts with us. He cries with us. God does not cause bad things. 

I have found that God has been my comfort. When I have felt my heart breaking and it seems there is no one there, even though sometimes I cannot feel Him there, He is!

Even though it has been a difficult year, He is the reason I can have joy in my heart. When I look at the past year, even though many times were sad, I can smile because of the hope I have in Him. He said He would never leave me or forsake me. 

I BELIEVE THAT WITH ALL MY HEART!

Carol

From the archives... 01/31/2009


I just got finished watering my flowers outside. I must admit that I am not a gardener nor do I have a green thumb - but - I do love to see flowers and green bushes in their splendour.... My step dad Frank, loved gardening! He even was a gardener for someone, at some point in his life. He always kept our flower beds immaculate and beautiful. After his health started to fail and his eyesight got worse, he could no longer work with his beloved flowers. So, then I would try my hand at gardening - shudder! Sure didn't look like his work.

Last fall his sons gave him a butterfly bush. He was so excited about it and took extra time to tell me how to care for the little thing. It was a tiny little green thing when he got it. He had me cut the top off of a plastic vinegar bottle and cover it over to protect it for the winter, which I did.

In mid April, Frank became very ill. After a few weeks of severe pain, the doctors told us that he didn't have long.

At the end of April, I went out and took the plastic off the little butterfly bush. It was a lovely healthy green and had grown an inch or two. A few weeks later, Frank asked me to go out again and check on the bush. I went and to my horror, all I saw was a few twigs where the bush had been. I showed my niece and she said that probably an animal had chewed it up ~ I cried. I couldn’t bear to tell Frankie that the bush was gone.

As the time ticked away, Frank got weaker and weaker. Many times I thought of that butterfly bush. I had told his sons about it with tears in my eyes and they tried to console me by saying that maybe it will come up next year.

We were at Frank’s bedside when he went to be with the Lord on May 18th. Frank had been a special part of my life for 27 years. He wasn’t just a step father. He was a close friend! I miss him so much! I’m so thankful for God’s strong arms of comfort!

The week after he passed away, I decided to go and look at the place where the butterfly bush was. To my amazement, the butterfly bush was not only there, but about three inches higher than when I first took the plastic off. I got my sister to verify that it was indeed the bush and not a weed. She confirmed that is was! Praise God for resurrection!

I just looked at it tonight and it’s as tall as me! I even saw a little white butterfly flitting around! God is so good!

I have no idea who will read this. Maybe you just came across my website by some fluke. Maybe you may have heard me sing or speak somewhere. May I just say to you - whatever you may be going through, Jesus is there to help you. Maybe you have lost a loved one like I did. Or maybe there is sickness in your family or you are just plain hurting for some reason. THERE IS HOPE!

"God is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." ...Psalm 34:18

Be encouraged!

Carol