She was probably in her mid fifties, although she looked older. She patiently waited as I talked and prayed with other ladies. The day before, I had taken the train to get to Kingston Ontario for this speaking engagement. It had gone very well and the women were so receptive. It was early December so it was cold and wintry outside.
As the lady approached me, she seemed very weary, as if she was carrying a heavy weight on her shoulders. I reached out and took her hands in mine and as she shared, her eyes brimmed with tears.
"My son is twenty-one" she said. "He has a learning disability and doesn't have any friends. No one wants to bother with him. His birthday is today and when I get home, I will have a birthday cake for him. It will be just him and me." She told me how hard it was to see him so sad, to not belong.
I will never forget that moment. I saw her broken heart.
She asked me to pray for him and for strength for her. I gave her a hug and held her as she sobbed. I prayed as best as I could. Then I cried with her. I know God heard us that day. I think He cried with us.
I have never been a mother. I have never experienced the anguish a mother feels when her child is different and doesn't seem to belong anywhere.
My friend Michelle Sim has just written a book about her youngest son Paul, who has Autistic Spectrum Disorder. I am halfway through it. I have known some of the "stuff" this family has been through. Reading about it is another thing. When I read the part where the other kids set fire to Paul's school uniform pants and when they made him stand in a big water puddle and drove their bikes back and forth till he was soaking wet, I cried.
Reading this book is stirring things up in me. Not so much about my past, but an ache for moms whose hearts are broken.
I would recommend her book. It is called "My Son, My Gift (Living with Autistic Spectrum Disorder)" It will give you a glimpse into the life of a caring mom, who has gone through hell and back, trying to help her son, trying to find a diagnosis of what is wrong, and the misunderstandings that go with it.
There are a few words in the English vocabulary that I detest. Words like worthless, retard, idiot, loser, to name a few. I know first hand the damage that those words can do and it took me many years to come to the conclusion that I am none of the above.
You see, when you are told something over and over, you start to believe it.
My Heavenly Father thinks I am beautiful! That is ALL that matters.
To those mothers out there who are hurting who have gone and are going through the pain of knowing that their children are made fun of, and considered less than others, I feel to say to you that God has given you a precious gift. He knew that your child would be teased and hurt but He knew that you would be there for them, and that His strength would see you through. What the enemy has meant for evil God will turn around for good. You watch and see! May God enfold you in His mighty loving arms and give you peace - His enduring peace.
This is your new blog post. Click here and start typing, or drag in elements from the top bar. July 25/09
I sang at the funeral of a 51 year old woman yesterday. I did not know her but learned much about her in the hour-long service.
I always consider it an honour to be asked to sing at a funeral. They are such very precious times and the fact that a family is grieving and hurting, would take the time to ask me to sing at their loved one’s service of remembrance, touches my heart.
One of the songs I was asked to sing was called “Anyway” by Martina McBride. I had never heard it before Thursday. I had to do some fast learning but it was worth it. What a wonderful song! It talks about building, dreaming, loving and singing. It says that even though we do these things, sometimes the outcome isn’t what we planned, but we need to do it anyway. It says that God is great but sometimes life doesn’t work out the way we want it to. Or when we pray sometimes we don’t get the answer we expected, but we need to do it anyway.
I am at a stage in my life where I feel freer than I have ever felt before. God has done so much healing in my life. I can’t thank Him enough. Oh I sure know He isn’t done yet. But you know, I want to keep doing what He has called me to do. I want to keep singing. I want to share what healing He has done. Whether it be in front of one person or in front of many.
We need to keep singing. We need to dance the dance of life in praise to Him.
I pray whoever reads this will be encouraged. God DOES have a good plan for your life. He wants His VERY BEST for you. Oh it may not be what you expected it to be, but His plans are the VERY BEST for you! Lift your head up. Laugh. Dream. Love. Sing.
It has been somewhat of a difficult year. I have had two family members who I love dearly, pass on into eternity. I have watched friends struggle with losing loved ones. I know of people who have been diagnosed with terminal illness.
I have to say, I have cried a lot this year...by myself...with family members.
There have been many changes this year.
One thing that has not changed is that God remains faithful. He does not change. Often when people go through difficult times, they ask "Where is God and why is He doing this?"
I find it interesting that when times are good, it seems that God is not mentioned. When things go bad, God is blamed. All I know is that He hurts with us. He cries with us. God does not cause bad things.
I have found that God has been my comfort. When I have felt my heart breaking and it seems there is no one there, even though sometimes I cannot feel Him there, He is!
Even though it has been a difficult year, He is the reason I can have joy in my heart. When I look at the past year, even though many times were sad, I can smile because of the hope I have in Him. He said He would never leave me or forsake me. I BELIEVE THAT WITH ALL MY HEART!
I just got finished watering my flowers outside. I must admit that I am not a gardener nor do I have a green thumb - but - I do love to see flowers and green bushes in their splendor.... My step dad Frank, loved gardening! He even was a gardener for someone, at some point in his life. He always kept our flower beds immaculate and beautiful. After his health started to fail and his eyesight got worse, he could no longer work with his beloved flowers. So, then I would try my hand at gardening - shudder! Sure didn’t look like his work.
Last fall his sons gave him a butterfly bush. He was so excited about it and took extra time to tell me how to care for the little thing. It was a tiny little green thing when he got it. He had me cut the top off of a plastic vinegar bottle and cover it over to protect it for the winter, which I did.
In mid April, Frank became very ill. After a few weeks of severe pain, the doctors told us that he didn’t have long.
At the end of April, I went out and took the plastic off the little butterfly bush. It was a lovely healthy green and had grown an inch or two. A few weeks later, Frank asked me to go out again and check on the bush. I went and to my horror, all I saw was a few twigs where the bush had been. I showed my niece and she said that probably an animal had chewed it up ~ I cried. I couldn’t bear to tell Frankie that the bush was gone.
As the time ticked away, Frank got weaker and weaker. Many times I thought of that butterfly bush. I had told his sons about it with tears in my eyes and they tried to console me by saying that maybe it will come up next year.
We were at Frank’s bedside when he went to be with the Lord on May 18th. Frank had been a special part of my life for 27 years. He wasn’t just a step father. He was a close friend! I miss him so much! I’m so thankful for God’s strong arms of comfort!
The week after he passed away, I decided to go and look at the place where the butterfly bush was. To my amazement, the butterfly bush was not only there, but about three inches higher than when I first took the plastic off. I got my sister to verify that it was indeed the bush and not a weed. She confirmed that is was! Praise God for resurrection!
I just looked at it tonight and it’s as tall as me! I even saw a little white butterfly flitting around! God is so good!
I have no idea who will read this. Maybe you just came across my website by some fluke. Maybe you may have heard me sing or speak somewhere. May I just say to you - whatever you may be going through, Jesus is there to help you. Maybe you have lost a loved one like I did. Or maybe there is sickness in your family or you are just plain hurting for some reason. THERE IS HOPE!
"God is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." ...Psalm 34:18
Be encouraged!
Carol
I had sung in this unit many times before. Although it is labeled an Alzheimer day unit, the people are fun, and full of life. They have not let their disease pull them down. At least not from what I have seen.
Some of the workers watched from the back. Some intermingled with the residents, occasionally getting some of them up to dance.
Drinks were passed out to the residents, while they sat and listened to me sing. One lady, fell asleep with her glass in her hand and one of the workers went over and wiped up the liquid with a paper towel.
There was a man off to the side, sitting in a wheel chair, wearing a plaid shirt. He pulled out his harmonica and started blowing into it. I finished the song I was singing and asked him what key his harmonica was in. He was having trouble reading the letter but said it was in "A". Well I asked him to play a song and started to play along on my guitar. It really was in the key of C but hey, that was ok. He tried to play Red River Valley and then it turned into Silent Night. All through my performance I heard him playing softly in the background. That was fine by me.
I asked if there were any requests. A lady in a pink top with a heavy french accent and a wonderful sense of humour, asked me to sing O Canada but to sing it in French. I told her that wouldn’t happen. My poor knowledge of French would make in unintelligible. She laughed.
There was a little old man on the couch in between two ladies. He reminded me of the guy who played in My Favourite Martian. He first looked at me with a very puzzled expression and then started to clap his hands together. He even sang along a little bit on a few songs.
I started singing "I’ll Be With You In Apple Blossom Time" and his eyes seemed to light up. He stood to his feet, very unsure of his balance. He held his hands out in a dancing gesture. I went to him and took his hands and we danced. Well, we mostly stayed in one spot but we did dance. He sang along with me, word for word, his voice barely audible. We swayed in time to the music. Time stood still. He was so precious. It was like there was no one else in the room. I looked at this sweet little man and my heart just wanted to hug him.
What were his memories that were slipping away. Did that song remind him of his wife? Was he a war veteran who maybe heard that song on the short wave radio when he was fighting for our country? I really don’t know. I do know that I was blessed just watching him. I could tell he was blessed that I had centered him out and was paying attention to him.
Sometimes I get discouraged when I don’t get to do "bigger gigs" or travel around the world with my ministry. I have tried to be content in what God has given me. I must confess, sometimes I want more.
I do know this. I am blessed as God has allowed me in places where I know a lot of people maybe would not feel comfortable going. Today it was the Alzheimer unit. God’s ways are not always our ways. I am glad!
I am so glad He knows what He is doing!
As I ask God to help me to lay down my dreams, I am also asking Him to show me His dreams for me. I have been looking for His dreams to drop into my lap and one just did on this afternoon.
When I finished the song, I gave the man a kiss on the cheek and helped him sit down. That little man, who probably has such a hard time remembering the simple things, was used by God today.
It truly was, a lovely dance!
Carol
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